Translator: Deus Ex Machina
I stare at the diary I put on my desk.
It’s been almost a week since I last read his diary.
I woke up to find out that the contents of the diary has changed — and I couldn’t open it since.
“What does this mean?”
The events written in the diary changed according to what happened in the dream.
And the events in reality also changed along with it.
——Apart from my memories.
“What should I do?”
I keep asking myself that but… in fact, my feelings have long been decided.
I’m afraid of this diary, it’s revolting——but much more than that, I can meet Arata once again. That’s all I can think of..
If I have this, then I can spend more time with Arata than I did before.
If I have this, perhaps there could be a future where we didn’t part ways.
“Arata…”
I don’t know how many times I’ve had this thought now.
And I always arrive at the same conclusion
Even so… today, still unable to open the diary, I fell asleep once again.
◇◇◇
“It’s morning.”
Of course, since the day I stopped opening the diary, I also stopped seeing those strange dreams.
“It’s really the diary… right?”
Seeing Arata after a long time made my feelings well up even more.
“What should I do?”
Unable to find any answers, I got ready and left home for school as usual.
“Good morning, Asahi! Wait, what’s wrong?”
When I arrived at the classroom, Miyuki spoke to me as usual.
“Good morning. What do you mean?”
“Somehow, you have an awful look on your face.”
“Is that so...”
“Yes!”
I tried to act normally, but I really can’t get through against my best friend.
“Are you free today? If so, let’s go have tea after school.”
“Sure.”
Thank you, Always doing these things for me.
“Enough with your thanks. Just get better already.”
After that, she just smiled and sat on her seat.
“So, what happened?”
“...Mmmm.”
“Is it hard to say?”
“......”
Rather than being hard to say, It’s more like ‘what should I say to make you believe me?’.
If I were told the same story from Miyuki’s perspective… I might think the other person had gone crazy from the shock of having their loved one dying.
“I realized something.”
“Hmm?”
Suddenly, Miyuki said so.
“I noticed something strange about you after we went to Arata’s funeral”
“Miyuki...”
“So I will accept anything you say. Try talking to me, okay?”
——I wonder how many times I have been saved by Miyuki - who can soften even the heaviest moods?
“Don’t laugh alright?...”
“I won’t”
“Really?...”
“Really.”
Seeing Miyuki’s sincerity… I started recounting the phenomenon that happened last week.
“In other words… you’re experiencing the past in your dreams again?”
“Rather than experiencing it again, it’s more like rewriting...”
When I do something different in the past in my dreams, It affects the reality from my memories.
“Mhm…”
“I knew you wouldn’t believe me...”
“That’s not it. You wouldn’t lie about this… It’s not that I don’t believe you...”
Miyuki said shyly, with some trouble.
“The memory that I remember is the overwritten memory as you say, so I don’t know the memories before they were changed.”
“That’s… right.”
“But let’s say it’s true that the past is being changed… I think I now understand why only you were called directly that day.”
“Only me?”
“Yes. That day, you were personally called by Arata’s mother, right?”
“Yes, isn’t that the case with you too?”
“No… Do you remember Doura Kanata? We were in the same class in third year middle school. I got the message from him.”
“Doura-kun?”
I think he was always with Arata back then.
“They were childhood friends, right?”
“Yes…. Kanata went around contacting people close to Arata..”
“I see.”
“So when I contacted you, I already heard Arata’s mother had already called you. I wondered why she did though.”
“What do you…?”
“Arata’s mother didn’t contact anyone personally —except you.”
“Only me?”
“Isn’t it strange for her to call you - her son’s girlfriend for only a few months, furthermore, three years ago in junior high?”
そう言うと深雪は、視線を私の鞄に向けた。
Miyuki then turned her gaze to my bag.
“You brought it, right?”
“——Yes.”
What — you don’t even need to ask.
“By the way, have you read it to the end?”
“I still...”
Miyuki seemed to be thinking of something.
“What’s wrong...?”
“What happens if… You read multiple date entries?”
“Eh…?”
“What if you read non consecutive dates?”
“What if you make a copy, will you dream with it?”
“Miyuki...?”
“What if you change the past so that you won’t break up?”
“Miyuki!!”
I suddenly raised my voice to interrupt Miyuki.
The customers around us turned towards us to see what was going on.
“Sorry...”
“...Me too. Sorry.”
“......”
“......”
I was ashamed to be seen through my own shallowness.
‘If I have this notebook’... I’ve always thought of those.
But… I wonder if it’s okay to cross that line,
——The answers, I still haven’t reached them yet.
Somehow, an awkward atmosphere drifted between us.
To shake off that atmosphere, Miyuki took a sip of her iced tea and said to me,
“I think there is meaning to Asahi redoing the past.”
“Meaning...?”
“I don’t know if it’s for you or for Arata but——if you stopped reading now you won’t be any different from now, regretting things.”
“......”
While hesitating to speak, Miyuki told me.
“You still haven’t erased it, right? Arata’s number...”
“Huh… how?”
Miyuki smiled at me with a pained expression while I was thinking how she knew.
“You’re my best friend, there’s no way I wouldn’t notice.”
“Miyuki...”
I tried to hide it. I thought I could pretend to have moved on. Even so... My kind best friend pretended to be deceived even when she knew everything.
“Maybe you can't even change a thing. And in the end all your struggling will amount to nothing. But… If you can change even a little of that day… with just a small possibility, won’t you bet on it?”
I wonder if it’s alright to do such a thing.
Changing the past, changing even this moment…
Miyuki said to me - who was lost.
“I’m sure only a few trivial things will change. I don’t think you will change anything drastic.”
“Really…?”
“Even so——To lighten your suffering for the last three years even by just a bit… don’t you think Arata will be happy too?”
“Miyuki...”
Will it really?
Even so, is it okay?
I really wanted to know.
—That day, why did you say those things?
—Why did you disappear afterwards?
—Why did you not let me be by your side till the end?
“That’s right... I—”
“—But wait, Asahi. Changing the past and the present… You might face Arata’s painful moments.”
“Yes...”
“Will you still do it?”
“Even so! I want to see Arata.”
“Asahi...”
“I want to know the real reason why we had to break up that day.”
“Yes… right. That’s it...”
“Thank you, Miyuki. Thanks to you I’ve made up my mind.”
So that I won’t regret, I will...
“I will start over to those days with Arata.”
No matter how painful the result may be.
“——I’ll be there in times you want to cry. You just have to say it.”
“Thank you.”
Towards Miyuki’s kindness. I nodded slightly while gently wiping the overflowing tears.
I still don’t know what will happen.
It’s not going to be reliving painful memories, but to be able to continue laughing like those times to the present..
I will go back in time.
Even if… It’s unacceptable.
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